A Wigwam for a Goose's Bridle

As long as I can remember

I’ve been told

to see myself as Jesus sees me,

but until now,

no one has modeled this for me. 

They says this means

see yourself

as beloved

chosen

precious,

but they teach me

with their actions

that this means

see yourself 

as guilty

wrong

not enough

unworthy.

Be ashamed.

They teach me to hate myself

and then wonder why I do.

They teach me that self-love

is selfish

self-indulgent

self-serving

destructive

even sinful,

and that I don’t deserve it

anyway

and then they ask

why can’t you see

how much He loves you?

I know

what He sees.

He sees

one He loves

one He chose

one He will keep choosing

one who hurts

one who cries

one who tries

one who falls

one who gets up again

one He wishes to comfort

one He wishes to protect

one He wishes to heal

one for whom He wills only the best

one who is worth the ultimate sacrifice

one for whom He has paid the ultimate price

and He believes she was worth it,

she still is worth it. 

He’d do it again in a heartbeat. 

He doesn’t see her 

as broken

fallen

wrong

different

failed

unworthy

unloveable. 

Not necessarily because she is not these things

(perhaps sometimes she is some of them –

not all of her moments are ideal)

He doesn’t see them

because He doesn’t need to.

They have no bearing on her worth. 

They have no bearing on His love. 

His perfection envelops her

in her entirety

without judgment.

She is seen, known, called, invited, loved. 

And it breaks His heart

to see her pain

to see that she cannot see her worth

to see her struggle to believe in Love

to see her hurting herself

in some vain attempt

to be enough

to be worthy

when she doesn’t even need to. 

He tells her

Be not afraid

I will give you rest

I came that you may have life to the full

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you

I have plans for your good

My peace I give you

You are my beloved

in whom I am well pleased. 

My strength is sufficient for you. 

My power is made perfect in weakness

I will never forsake you

let me love you

and when she still

doesn’t seem to grasp it

He sends her friends

to show her how He loves.

But she gets out her list

her reasons. 

Her speech is prepared.

He silences her gently

with a finger to the lips

Hush, rest

We don’t need these.

The paper falls into the fire,

beyond her reflex attempt to grasp at it. 

Hush, He says

Why cling to these when I have already forgotten them?

Let them go now. 

I made my choice. 

The price is paid. 

Rest now, in My love,

and see yourself as I do.

Beloved. 

Chosen. 

Wanted. 

Redeemed. 

Worthy.

Mine.