A Wigwam for a Goose's Bridle

The gentleness 

is so unassuming

it is paradoxically

almost violent

in the way it

takes me

by surprise

with its quiet tenderness

and compassion.

It is a breeze.

It is a washing over with silence.

It is a peace.

It is only a start, 

but it whispers of hope,

and a future,

to be found when I seek 

with all my heart.

It whispers of truth.

I never realised 

it could be – would be – 

so gentle, 

so tender. 

If you’d asked me, 

what would it look like,

I would have described a sudden shift;

that one day the last piece would fall into place,

the light switch would be turned on,

and things would change from black to white,

because we know I don’t do grey. 

This does sound naive at best. I know,

of course, it never happens this simply.

But the truth is, if you’d asked me

what healing would look like,

I could have made up anything,

because I never believed it could happen to me.

The fighting is not gentle.

The deeply ingrained voices

yell all the more loudly

as they perceive the threat.

And yet – and this is where

I see the reality of what is happening – 

the serenity permeates.

At once I find I can hold them,

firmly,

calmly,

with gentle strength,

while they rail against the Peace

and beat it on the chest,

fumbling fists

amid rivulets of hot, angry tears.

It feels such a small step,

so slight a change 

it is not even noticeable from without,

and yet I know the years

of effort

that have worked towards this moment,

the hours of dissection,

the autopsy of moments,

and methods,

and motives.

I’ve stood, as Elijah,

at the entrance to the cave:

withstood the furnace of passing fires,

hotter than hell itself,

faltered with the trembling of the earthquake,

been drenched to the core

by the storm,

wondering the whole time which would hold

the awaited deliverance.

But then the gentle breeze,

almost imperceptible,

the softest touch,

the quietest breath of a whisper,

caressing this body

with murmurs of acceptance she never believed could be real.

And this is when she knows

with certainty

that healing begins here.