A Wigwam for a Goose's Bridle

Interior Desert

Midnight

To whom it may concern

or: Dear People-With-Whom-I-Have-Any-Form-Of-Relationship

I write to tender my resignation from the roles of Social Events Organiser and  Person-Whose-Time-Is-Unimportant-And-May-Be-Wasted, effective immediately.  Explanatory notes are included below.

Re: SOCIAL EVENTS ORGANISATION

It has been brought to my attention that I make all the effort.  I text or email you to see how you are, to make sure you are okay, to ask if we should catch up, to suggest an appropriate time and place for doing so.  It is to be expected that I would perform this role at times, as part of the standard friend/acquaintance job description.  The terms of contract, however, imply that you would take on a fair share of this burden. I have begun to feel that I am chasing you.  I postulate 3 hypotheses that may explain this outcome:

(a) By my own fault, I have been too forward in pursuing our relationship, such that you have begun to believe I wish to do so much more than my share, and as such you don’t feel the need to help. 

(b) You are lazy, and hence your only surviving relationships are those in which the other person is prepared to take on a larger role than initially specified.

(c) You actually do not like me, nor wish to see me, and hence do not instigate contact.  I have failed to see this, or you have failed to make it clear, and hence I am chasing you against your will and you are doing the bare minimum in an attempt to remain polite.

In the case of (a), I apologise for depriving you of your role in the relationship, and will do so no longer.  In fact, to make up for lost time, you may assume all of the responsibility during the near future, until such time as your communication competency assures me it is safe to share the role once again.

In the case of (b), you need to learn that friendships are an equilibrium, and follow Le Chatelier’s principle.  By removing the products, I hope to drive the reaction in the forward direction.  Of course, I realise that this will not work unless the required catalyst is present.  As that catalyst is your responsibility, I can only hope production will continue.

In the case of (c), I apologise sincerely for being such a dolt as not to realise when my presence is not desired and/or when my absence is sought.  Do forgive me for being so inconsiderate and burdening you with myself.  If this is the situation, consider this letter further to be my resignation from the entire relationship.

Re: USE AND ABUSE OF MY TIME

It has also been brought to my attention that someone falsely circulated a memo regarding my time.  Apparently, it explained that I feel I do not do enough with my life, and that my time is worthless.  As such, some of you have seen fit to waste my time wherever possible, telling me we will meet up and then canceling at the very last minute, or often quite a bit after the last minute.  

Contrary to popular belief, I am a very busy person, with work, study, exercise, family commitments, and other pursuits.  If I make the time to see you, it is because I like your company and/or you have requested my help in some way.  If you do not want the help for which you asked, just say so.   If you do not intend to make a designated appointment, please give me some notice.  It really is not cool to call someone 20 minutes after the time you arranged to meet to say you won’t make it, especially if that someone took a 30 minute bus ride to get there for the sole purpose of seeing you.

Further, “something has come up” will no longer be accepted as a valid excuse.  Respect me enough to tell me exactly what it was that is so much more important than me that my time should be wasted for it.   You may think you’re being kind and saving me from getting hurt by not telling me the whole story.  Wrong.  It will hurt anyway, so you may as well just tell me the truth.  I’d like to know. 

IN CONCLUSION

I hereby intend to cease all unsolicited contact.  I will continue to reply to your messages/emails/facebook assaults/snail mail.  I will continue to leave my ‘phone on silent, as you know by now I don’t like to answer calls, and if I don’t hear it ring, I don’t have to struggle with my conscience over whether or not to answer it.  If you request it, I’m sure I’d love to meet up with you, and I’m more than happy to be there if you need to talk.  I will not, however, chase after you.  If you want anything from me, you know where to find me.  If/when, at your request, we schedule a meeting, 24 hours’ notice is required for all cancellations or postponements.  Otherwise, a non-attendance fee may be charged at my discretion.  Furthermore, failure to attend without an acceptable reason may result in refusal of all future appointments.

Thank you for your ongoing friendship or acquaintance or whatever this thing is.  I hope my resignation will be conducive to a healthy relationship in the time to come.  Regardless, it is non-negotiable.

Kind regards,

My Self-Esteem